Week 22 - This old house

Week 22 Picture

We're just about 10 days away from our move and the reality of everything is starting to hit me. In just a few days, my trusty white Honda that has been with me through thick and thin over the course of the last 8 years will belong to someone else. In less than two weeks, this house that has been our home for the last 4 years will no longer belong to us. This state, this city, and this neighborhood that has served us so well in the good times and in the bad will no longer belong to us. The movers will take our things out and somebody else will move their things in. They even brought somebody in to measure for new hardwood floors. I know that us leaving is an essential part of the moving process, but in a way, it feels kind of violating. This is the only home that baby Jay has ever known. His wonderfully decorated nursery is the only bedroom he has ever known. Ahead of us is only uncertainty. It's amazing how comfortable you can become when you spend a large amount of time in single location.

Don't get me wrong. I'm looking forward to the years ahead. I'm not sure I could have drawn up a better gameplan for my future if I tried. As an individual and as a family, we have come a long long way, even just over the last year. Still, it's going to be hard to give up all that we have built here. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was going to miss it. Moving used to be a natural part of my existence. Hell, I couldn't wait to get up to Fort Collins when I started college or out here when I started grad school. However, as I get older, my cumulative experiences and memories are starting to make it harder and harder to constantly leave. Here's hoping this will be one of the last times I do.

Week 21 - Getting ready

Week 21 Picture

The pieces are starting to fall into place. The repair guy is all scheduled, the moving contract is just about signed, I have someone that I can give my little white car to, and we have an interested buyer in the truck. It feels really good to get these things taken care of. Moving is really stressful. It's not so bad when you're a single guy with only a desk and an old, dirty, single mattress to your name. It's a lot more to think about when you've got a wife, two dogs, a baby, and 3.5 tons of stuff to move literally across the entire country. I've been really stressed about it recently. Even more so because my uncertainty on how to approach everything led me to wait longer than I should have to get things taken care of.

Fortunately, Jay's disposition has been one thing I have not had to worry about lately. He's been so exceedingly sweet lately. He's also been vocal. Very vocal. There have been times during the last few days where all he wanted to do was lay on the ground and squeal at the top of his lungs. Happy noises fortunately, but very loud. However, even more shocking than his consistently positive disposition is how well he's been sleeping. Last night, he went eight hours straight before getting up. That's means he's almost at the point where we no longer have to commit to a middle-of-the-night feeding. I know I talk about his sleep habits a lot here, but they go a long way toward dictating the amount of patience Kimbre and I have for dealing with the stressors of day-to-day life. His timing for figuring things out in the sleep department could not be any better.

In less than two weeks, our world will turn upside down. It's really intimidating and the reality of it has only recently become apparent. I am looking forward to the change. I'm looking forward to our new life. Still, I'm not looking forward to all that it's going to take to get there. Oh well, that's life.

Week 20 - Decisions

Week 20 - Picture

What a crazy couple days. In the last week we dealt with tornadoes, flooding, company visiting, a sick baby, a trip to the ER, and a canceled graduation ceremony. It was nice having company in town, but the rest of it really worked to wear me and Kimbre out. We spent the majority of Sunday morning and afternoon just trying to catch up on our sleep.

  

That's the way the life goes sometimes though. Nothing else you can do but shake your head and try to learn something from it. What this all taught me is that sometimes, the decisions that you have to make as a parent may have no right answer. For example, Thursday morning Jay woke up with a fever. With family and friends set to arrive that evening, the timing could not have been worse. Although the fever was not high enough to be immediately alarming, it was also not low enough to feel fully confident that we should ride it out either. In the end, we made the decision to take him to his pediatrician. Since he was not showing any other symptoms besides the fever and fussiness, she was not able to determine what was causing his illness and recommended that we take him to the ER just to be safe. This was really disappointing, because it not only meant that we would have to miss out on going to dinner with our guests who had just arrived, it also meant that we would have to pay $300 dollars in an insurance copay for the privilege of getting to spend the rest of our evening surrounded by other sick people with conditions that had the potential to make the situation worse. With how much I had been looking forward to the weekend's events, you can imagine my frustration and disappointment with the situation. 

In the end, it turned out the trip was not even needed. By the time we got to see a doctor, Jay's fever has gone down dramatically on its own. We left the hospital with a prescription for ear infection medicine. Still, it was the only decision that we could make it. I'm not sure I would've been able to live with myself if my desire to not miss out on a night with my family and friends ended up costing me my son's well-being. So even though it ended up being the wrong decision, there was really no alternative.

Luckily, the world did not stop turning. Although the ceremony that I was supposed to be recognized on Friday was canceled due to weather, a few last-minute changes still allowed me to be recognized on Saturday morning. I still got to go to dinner with my friends and Family, and I still got to hold my son and enjoy the feeling of accomplishment that comes with the achieving a long-term goal of mine. Life doesn't always go how you plan but things generally work themselves out in the end.

Week 19 - Graduation

Week 19 Picture

Last Tuesday, I defended my dissertation. This coming weekend, I walk for graduation. And let me tell, being able to say that feels really good. This is the first time in my life that I am actually excited for the ceremony itself. The countless hours of hard work I put toward earning my PhD gives me the feeling that, this time, I really deserve it. Earning this degree was not easy and reaching this finish line provides me with an indescribable sense of accomplishment.

If you had told me during all those dark years right after I graduated college when I was adrift, my plans of joining the Air Force cut short, unsure what my future held for me that this is where I would be, I would not have believed you. A lot of things had to go right for me to end up where I am today. I can't wait to share this moment with my family and friends. I really could not have done it alone. And as happy as I am with reaching this goal of mine, I'd gladly trade it all away if it meant getting to keep all the wonderful people in my life that make it worth living (you know who you are). 

One of the things I'm looking forward to most this weekend is getting to hold my son after all is said and done, cap in hand, soaking up the moment. I hope that I set a good example for him when gets older. I hope he grows up like I did, with a feeling of empowerment knowing that anything is possible if you are willing to work for it. I'll be honest, I started on this quest with my own well being in mind. However, as I finish it, it's his well being that matters the most to me now. Helping him grow up to be happy and to get as much as he can out of this beautiful thing called life, that's my new goal.