Week 48 - Thankful

This year, the thing I am most thankful for is Kimbre. I don't always tell her how much I appreciate everything she does for me. I'm not always the easiest person to be married to. Nevertheless, she gets me. She understands my idiosyncrasies. She's in it with me for the long haul. She does so much for me. She's also smokin hot. I really could not do much better.

She also gave me Baby Jay, who is a constant reminder of our commitment to each other and this beautiful little family. I really am truly thankful.

Week 47 - Sleep

Guest post by Kimbre today! Enjoy!

--------------------------------------------------

As a parent I fully expect to have moments where I am completely lost and feel like a complete failure as a mother. I know that I will struggle to find the words to calm my son when a friend hurts his feelings and I am sure I will have no idea how to even start “the talk.” I know that not knowing, not trusting yourself, and crying because you think you did it all wrong is par for the course as a mom. As my mom tells me it comes with a mother license. I just didn’t expect to feel this way so soon.

That being said, I feel like a complete and utter failure when it comes sleep. Not my sleep. I can fall asleep just about anywhere now days, but baby Jays sleep. I cannot get my precious boy to sleep through the night! Things are getting worse not better. On a normal night he goes down at 7:30 wakes up at 12:00, 3:00 and then at 5:00. Recently he has added an 11:00 wake up call to that shuffle. Needless to say Jay and I are very tired. In fact I am not sure either of us remembers what a full nights rest feels like.

To solve this problem I have been trying to sleep train my little one. I’ve read two books and countless internet articles on sleep and each one makes me feel more hopeless. What I’ve learned thus far is that I’m a horrible mom because I didn’t start him on cry it out when he was 5 day old, now he will never sleep through the night. I’ve also learned that if I let him cry he will never be normal and not trust the world and probably die.  Don’t even get me started on what I’ve read on night weaning and the many ways this can destroy my baby.

Ultimately the problem is I have a hard time sticking to any plan at 3:00 in the morning. I don’t like hearing my baby cry, not when I can fix it by nursing him and we can all be back in bed in 10 minutes. But that is the problem; I keep reinforcing his bad behavior. The teacher part of me knows that kids need strict rules it helps them and they end up loving you in the end, but the mommy part of me loves my little boy and I don’t like seeing him in pain.

I guess what I am trying to say is being a parent is hard! There isn’t always a right answer and you don’t always make the right decisions. It’s hard when you love someone so much that you want everything for them and nothing to ever hurt them. But that isn’t life. I know that one day he will sleep through the night, but I’ll probably be up worrying about being a good Momma.

Week 46 - The love

There's no doubt about it, I'm getting older. In some ways, it's hard to tell. I still play video games. I still don't eat as well as I should. I'm still prone to temper tantrums from time to time. In others however, the change that comes with time is painfully obvious. I've gained a good deal of weight. I make a lot more money. I have a lot less free time.

Throughout it all though, I have had a good life. Things haven't always gone well for me. Without question, I've experienced my fair share of tragedy as well. At times, I can't even say with a straight face that I was any degree of happy, no matter how good things might have been. But I made it through anyway.

A big reason for that is the people in my life. I have been blessed with a wonderful supportive family that has endured some of my darkest moments and still loved me despite them. I've also been blessed with an incredible group of friends that provide me with the wonderful feeling that it all matters, that it's all tied together somehow. That's an incredible feeling, the notion that you somehow matter in existence that is larger than yourself.

This last weekend, Dustin, Jeff, Alli, Bri, Roman, and Hillary, made a special trip out to Corvallis Oregon to come see me. We had a few great days exploring this great state and spending time with each other. I am so incredibly happy that we have been able to keep in touch over the years and that we have found a way to see each other at least somewhat regularly despite the distance between us. 

I love my friends. Actually love them. I love my family too. I love my sisters. I love their families. I love my parents. I love my son. I love my wife. I love my wife's family. Everything else in my life could go to hell and I would still be okay because the love I feel for the people in my life gives my life meaning. What more do you need?

Week 45 - Blogless this week...

Man, I'm getting bad at staying up to date on this thing. Things have been moving pretty quickly recently and doing the blog sometimes gets forgotten. I'll give it a better effort next week, I promise. Taking time to remember this first year in Jays life is important.