Week 28 - The long game

Week 28 Picture

One of the toughest parts of being a new parent is having to watch your non-parent friends freely and eagerly travel the world, buy shiny new toys, brag about a weekend bender on Facebook, or guiltlessly enjoy some other similar self-indulgent pleasure rather than spending their time doing things like wrestling a fussy baby to bed.

I'd be lying if I said that I don't sometimes get really jealous of them. Doing things such as traveling to an exotic location at the drop of a dime or starting a new, expensive, involved hobby are things I just can't do anymore. At times, it can be really frustrating. I've got a bad case of wanting to have my cake and to eat it too. It's not even always big things either. Something as simple as planning a night out to watch fireworks on the 4th of July becomes exponentially more complex when you have a little one's needs to take into consideration. Even worse is that some people I know that don't have kids are plenty happy to gloat about it. For instance, one young couple I know posted a status on Facebook listing 'not having kids' as a sign of a successful first year anniversary. It was almost as if being kid-free is something they believe should be specifically commended for. Comments like these are mostly harmless, but in our broader society, opinions on the merits of having/not having kids can inspire great passions in people. There's even an entire group on Reddit with just shy of 80,000 followers devoted to gloating about the joys of not having kids (https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree in case you're interested).

One of the ways I get past these frustrations is by changing my perspective on these things. Essentially, I have come to view having my first kid at this point in my life as an investment not only in my son, but also in my long-term happiness. Yes, it's true that right now I don't get the enjoy all the things I used to while my friends without babies can largely do whatever they want. However, if I don't put in this time now, I won't be able to enjoy the richness of life many years down the road when I'm old. For example, I can't wait for the day when I'm surrounded by my children and grandchildren rather than an empty house full of things I've long since lost interest in. Another benefit of having my first baby in my late 20's rather than waiting until I'm older (or forgoing children all together) is that I know that I won't be too old as a parent to enjoy things like teaching my kids to drive, dancing with them when they get married, and watching them have kids of their own. Getting to see how happy my parents are in just this situation only reinforces my excitement for those golden years. Although it doesn't always feel like it, it's reassuring to know that someday Jay will not only be able to take care of himself, he'll eventually be able to take care of me when I need it.

It's not all long-term gain either. This hypothetical "investment" pays short-term dividends as well. Getting to take Jay to the pool for the first time was a lot of fun - way more fun than I would have thought before having a baby. He looked so cute in his little swim trunks and he just had a ball splashing around in the shallow water of the kiddie pool. Going with Jodi and her two kids to the Children's museum here in Denver was a lot of fun as well and gave me a new perspective on the value of museums as family destinations. It's kind of neat getting to enjoy these things from an entirely new perspective.

I'm not saying that this view of the benefits of having kids versus the costs is the only way to look at it or that it even works for everyone. I know for a fact that there are some people who's internal equation does not value the long-term benefits of kids over the cost to their lifestyle. It's just how I look at things and it helps me during the less glamorous times where having a 6-month old born is a complete chore.

I love my life. I love Kimbre. I love my family. I love my son. That's how things add up for me.